While at work last night, I got a call telling me that my uncle had died. As I said in the previous post, it was all too much. Every call I took at work last night just grated on me. As soon as the offices close people come out of the woodwork. They have waited all day for a call back from a Doctor or nurse, and then decide that calling at 5:35p.m. is a good time to deal with it. No. it's not. The offices are closed by then and I don't know about you, but when it is time for me to leave work, I go. I don't hang around and see what else is going to happen. Lots of people know that after the offices close, it is much easier to actually speak to a Doctor. They only person in between the caller and the Dr. is most likely someone like me. The telephone operator. No receptionist, no nurse, we beep the Dr.s and they call back. Pretty direct, not much waiting time.
Last night I had the typical people that didn't get their lab results or their medicine was not at the drugstore as promised.
At around 7 p.m., I got a call from a woman who sounded very calm. She said to me, " I am a little concerned about my 93 year old aunt. We are eating dinner and I think she is choking on a piece of pork. She is making these "gurgely" sounds, What should I do?"
I can just feel the anger brewing in me. What should you do? What an absolute idiot!
I said, " Have you thought about calling 911?!?!?!" I am sure I sounded snotty, sarcastic and shocked at her stupidity, but I didn't care.
She says to me that she thought that maybe someone at the clinic could tell her what to do. I told her, "Yeah, I am telling you that you should not be wasting your Aunt's time talking to me, you should be talking to 911!" "The offices are closed and there is no one here that is going to give you that kind of advice, time is crucial in this situation and you should be on the phone with 911, not me!"
Then she says," Oh, wait a minute, I think she is better. Is she better?, she asks someone on her end of the line. "I think you should still call 911" I say. "Well. I think we will wait and see how she is" was her reply.
CRIMINIY!!! My mouth is wide open and I am thinking how in the world do people like that exist everyday? The worst thing is that poor 93 year old woman's life is depending on someone so stupid that they can't even do the right thing in an emergency. You don't live 93 years and have it all end because a dumb relative can't make the right decision!
After that I called my manager and asked if I could go home early, he said yes. Thank you, because I know I would have gotten another dumb call on the line and I might have been nastier then I was to that woman. If she complains about me, fine. I probably deserve it, I was snippy with her.
Everything bothers me these days. I feel like I have pins sticking me all the time, I'm on edge, I'm irritated.
I want Robert back. I want to go back to July 9th and convince him to do something else on the 10th. I wish I could change everything for him so my brother and his family could be happy again. So Robert could live his life like he was supposed to. To become a great artist like his father, a wonderful caring person like his mother, so that he could make his sister laugh again.
This is never going to end, everyday hurts more because it is another day without Robert. Another day to worry about who he left behind. Then you add my uncle to it all and it seems even more unreal.
My daughter told me she sees Robert in her dreams. That he is just standing there in a crowd of people, but she can't catch his eye. He won't respond to her. That made me cry. She broke down yesterday and cried about Robert. Then this morning she said she saw him again her dreams last night and that he smiled at her. I asked her if she was just saying that to make me feel better and she said no, thats what she dreamed. Maybe crying and talking about him made her dream change.
He is still gone though, I hate it.
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